Cookies and Resignation.

Henry and I made pancakes and cookies on Saturday. He absolutely loves breaking eggs. I had a really hard time not letting him eat the choc chip cookie dough because Max kept coming into the kitchen and taking pinches of the cookie dough and eating it. When the cookies cooled a bit after coming out of the oven, Max offered a whole cookie to Henry, who took it and attempted to shove the whole thing in his mouth. Max cried, "Don't put the whole thing in your mouth!" After Henry finished, Max asked, "Was that cookie delicious?" Henry replied, "Di-di-slush. More, Please." Henry has reached the height were he can now reach things on the edge of the counter. I can help think it is darling when I catch him on his tip toes trying to reach for a cookie or tear off a piece of freshly baked bread.

Up until recently we have been pretty relaxed about potty training, but now we are trying to establish a routine of trying to have Henry go at home. When Henry would successfully go potty on the toilet, Max and I clap and exclaim "You did it! Henry did it! Good Job!" trying to be positive. However, now whenever we ask if Henry wants to go potty, Henry will clap his hands and say "I did it! I did it!" He has somehow jumped from being asked the question to the reward without needing to do anything. I have yet to resort to any other reward system as I am sure Henry will discover a way to manipulate it like this kiddo.

In my previous posting, I eluded that I had something serious I wanted to write about. It is not anything surprising, that is if you know me. I recently heard this story (here is the study on which it is based). I find it incredibly frustrating to have grown up being told by countless adults (teachers & parents), Public Service Announcements and feminists, that you can be anything you want, you can make your dreams come true if you just work hard enough. Today, I am not buying it. Look at the data. It saying, you can try; you can try to be mom; have a career, and guess what you are still going to make less than your average educated white male. I began questioning these lies when I heard this interview on Fresh Air with Ayelet Waldma, who is mystery writer that had been a lawyer before having children, in which she expresses,

"So I'm 44 years old, and I think I'm part of the first generation of women raised by these feminist mothers. And when I first was feeling so frustrated and depressed and angry about being stuck at home, I really kind of turned on that message, and I said, you know, this was a lie. This whole thing was a lie. We can't have it all. "

(I should, note she has let go of her anger about this as she has gained perspective and a profitable writing career.)

The second thing that has caused me to question this idea was the reading of "Outliers" by Malcolm Gladwell. In the book, the author attempts to understand how people come to be successful. He does not document the success stories of any women...I can't say why, I can only assume (which we all know can be dangerous).

And beyond all of things I have read and heard...I feel based on my current mother/PhD student situation, trying to finish research, potty training Henry and applying for a new job, I can't have it all. And then I can't help wondering, that I do not really need it all, but is that resigning?

and right before I was to publish this post, my pal Hedda, posted this blog. Cosmic Irony. I will have to ponder these rules and how they affect my "You can't have it all" feminism funk.